My Search For Joy

My goal this year was really to find joy and purpose again along with the courage to take hold of them when I find them. After what has happened to me last year, my entire world just turned upside down, sideways, and inside out. It just rearranged every single thing in my life. I guess the only constant element is me.

I wasn’t sure how to find joy. Do I search for it in people I encounter? Be inspired by their own joy? I had no freaking idea.

All I know is I want joy back in my life again. I am not talking about laughing about something silly my friends and I talked about. I’m talking about a sense of bliss and a feeling that stays deep in me even after a moment has passed.

I first found a sense of joy when I was putting make-up on myself. I said to myself, I just wanted to look presentable for a business meeting but the feeling of putting effort on myself made me feel good and joyful when I saw my finished product. A feeling that made me give myself an imaginary pat on the back.

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Grief, What Is It? How do I do it?

How do I grieve? What does grief look like? These are some of the questions I asked myself.

My father’s passing really made me re-think life. This life-changing event shook me to the very core that it made me question who I am and who I am becoming.

Then there are the different emotions I went through that seemed more like phases rather than simple feelings. When asked what is grief, I used to relate it to sadness. However, I found out it was so much more.

Grief, in my experience, is a complex state when I felt a multitude of emotions, such as sadness, anger, denial, and regret, as I long for someone who is no longer present in my life. I also went through the pains of letting go and unbecoming the person I was when a certain person was still present. It pushed me beyond what was once my comfort zone.

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