My goal this year was really to find joy and purpose again along with the courage to take hold of them when I find them. After what has happened to me last year, my entire world just turned upside down, sideways, and inside out. It just rearranged every single thing in my life. I guess the only constant element is me.
I wasn’t sure how to find joy. Do I search for it in people I encounter? Be inspired by their own joy? I had no freaking idea.
All I know is I want joy back in my life again. I am not talking about laughing about something silly my friends and I talked about. I’m talking about a sense of bliss and a feeling that stays deep in me even after a moment has passed.
I first found a sense of joy when I was putting make-up on myself. I said to myself, I just wanted to look presentable for a business meeting but the feeling of putting effort on myself made me feel good and joyful when I saw my finished product. A feeling that made me give myself an imaginary pat on the back.
How do I grieve? What does grief look like? These are some of the questions I asked myself.
My father’s passing really made me re-think life. This life-changing event shook me to the very core that it made me question who I am and who I am becoming.
Then there are the different emotions I went through that seemed more like phases rather than simple feelings. When asked what is grief, I used to relate it to sadness. However, I found out it was so much more.
Grief, in my experience, is a complex state when I felt a multitude of emotions, such as sadness, anger, denial, and regret, as I long for someone who is no longer present in my life. I also went through the pains of letting go and unbecoming the person I was when a certain person was still present. It pushed me beyond what was once my comfort zone.
2018 was a real game-changer for me, including my personal and professional life.
I started 2018 mourning, for my maternal grandmother and as a make-up instructor in a school, I have loved so much.
Little did I know that these two incidents were just a start of a year in grief.
For those who have lost a loved one, they say it is never easy. And it’s true.
Coming home suddenly feels different, it almost feels like a different house. And yet, everything seems so familiar, but something is missing and I can’t quite put a finger in it. And then it hits me, SOMEONE is missing.
I can only try to describe it, but it is just beyond words. And then, there is grieving for a career linked to my passion. I didn’t only say goodbye to the work, but also to my passion for make-up and to the people I worked with.
White shoes are all in fashion lately specially with the revival of the street/sports wear, white shoes totally help complete the look.
But before it became a trend, I’ve been wearing my beloved white slip-on canvas shoes by Vans. Mainly because it’s comfortable and goes well with my outfits at work. (I was then a make-up teacher wearing white, gray, or black outfits)
Sadly, like all white shoes, it has succumbed to dirt and grime. I tried to clean it and used baking soda before to restore its condition but didn’t work. I tried several shoe cleaners for whites, but wasn’t successful.
Recently, I saw a post in Facebook to use tissue paper to whiten a yellowed canvas vans. At this point, I was desperate enough to try anything. I said to myself, “what the heck, I have nothing to lose.” Yes, I was that desperate.
It’s dirty, grimy, and yellow. I have not used this pair for a long time because of its state.